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There is a universal law that states that everything is either being created or destroyed. Therefore if you are not doing something to move your important relationships forward, then you are by law moving backwards and dying a slow death.
In the US, Australia and the UK there has been extensive research on what effects a successful marriage has on the entrepreneur, business owner and career person and this is what they discovered. Those with a successful marriage earned more money, had better health, lived longer and had less stress. If you’re a person who has taken a success-oriented approach to your life, you will appreciate the constant balancing act of career, family and marriage. When one area is flourishing, the other seems to be deteriorating. You may strive to get the promotion, win the proposal or get that raise you have been seeking and then have nobody to share it with because marriage and family life has been neglected.
If you have been a subscriber of Life Motivations’ newsletter for some time, you’ll be familiar with Step’s Success Philosophy (The Four Dynamics) that identifies the behaviors that create success or failure. One part of the dynamic is “The Choice /Change Dynamic” that allows you to take full accountability for where you are right now, good or bad, as well as your choices that will lead you to your life’s destination. I agree with Step 110% that you have the power to choose every second of your life. After all, we can only live one second at a time. Therefore, it’s how you balance those seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and even years that will determine your success in life and your marriage.
People often ask me, “What is the number one factor for the breakdown of marriages?” The answer is very simple, “They just don’t spend enough time together!” It’s not that complicated. There is simply no substitute for time, and the closeness and intimacy it brings. Unfortunately for many couples everything else comes first (their job, their career, their friends, social events, volunteer work, working long hours to acquire wealth, the children, everything!) therefore they have their values and priorities way out of balance.
REMEMBER: “Whatever you value most in life, will present itself in the amount of time you spend doing it.”
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with any of those things I just mentioned. I too love the challenge of being an entrepreneur and stretching myself to do new things as they make life very fulfilling and rewarding. However, the texture of your life stems from the quality of relationships you will enjoy in your lifetime. Therefore if you decide that your career or making money is more important than your marriage, then you 'will' achieve your goals in this area, but you will become a lonely rich individual with all the money in the world but no one special to share it with. It is much more exciting and fulfilling to be rich in all areas of life and have someone special to share it with.
So what is the key to finding a balance in your work and marriage? Make your relationship a priority and get help in this area if you need it. Begin with Step’s Choice/Change philosophy. You have the power to choose where you spend your time and you have the power to change it in a heartbeat. Every change is a cause set in motion. If you make your relationship a high priority, you will find the success in this area spills over into other areas like your career and how you relate to your children.
Livia and I have a weekly date night where one of us organizes something special and the other goes along for the ride. It can range from something as simple as a picnic by the beach, to an extravagant dinner and overnight hotel stay. It doesn’t really matter what the activity is, the key is to do it together and skillfully negotiate on activities that you both enjoy. Alternatively, do something she likes and then next week something he likes.
Therefore, decide to make your marriage a high priority in your life and you will automatically create more time and balance as a result. It was peak performance coach Anthony Robbins who said, “It’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” So, make the decision today to be as successful in the home as you are in your career.
Action Exercises
- We all have 24 hrs in a day. You must set your timetable to make your marriage a priority. “When you change your priorities, you change the destiny of your marriage”.
- You cannot manage time, but you can manage your activities. Manage the activities that will bring you closer. Practice what you were doing during the courtship period.
- We recommend couples spend at least 15 hrs per week together. Make it fun!
- Be sure not to turn your times together into a monotonous to-do list; something that you have to do.
Dale & Livia Mercer are Speakers, Marriage Consultants and Authors of “The 10 Undeniable Marriage Needs.” Visit their website at www.10marriageneeds.com
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