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I recently did a talk for a group of executives on “Expanding Your Skill-Sets to Become a More Complete Person.” I talked about how we live in a culture that holds information and knowledge in high esteem. We study for years to become a licensed accountant, a licensed doctor, a licensed attorney and yet a marriage license is one of the few licenses that any fool can get with little education or skills and yet it affects his/her whole life and their prospective families. If only they took the time to learn how to have a successful marriage, they would prosper in other areas. If you can learn how to become successful in your business and career, you can learn the skills of successful relationships.
In Napoleon Hill’s classic book, “Think and Grow Rich”, he wrote how the success of many men could be attributed the influence of their wives. Mr Hill went on to say, “No man is complete without the modifying influence of the right woman. The man who does not recognize this important truth deprives himself of the power which has done more to help men achieve success than all other forces combined.”
You may have a successful business, plenty of money and a ton of assets, but if you don’t have the love and marriage that meets all your human needs; all that you’re capable of having, then you can feel like the poorest person on earth. When Livia and I are asked, “What is one single characteristic that creates a successful marriage?” we have to say, “Consistency.” Why?
Because “consistency” is just one Success Philosophy that winning couples have in a happy marriage. As Step says, “When you can identify the traits that truly successful people have, and see the areas of your life that need work, you can move toward more success in your own life.” Consistency is a trait that successful couples have- here’s why.
The Power of “Consistency”
The secret of success in life and indeed relationships is intelligent consistent action. Your marriage is a living, breathing, moving thing - (just like a plant) in that if it’s not growing it is certainly and by law moving in the opposite direction.
If a person wishes to become fit and healthy, he/she must eat well and exercise “consistently”... If you are not taking the time for your health today - you must make time for sickness later in life. You don’t work out once at the gym and say, “Wow, I’m fit for life!” You must be consistent. If a person wishes to become financially independent or successful in their business, he/she must act on the strategies “consistently”...not when they feel like it or when it’s convenient.
Therefore what is true in life is true in your marriage. You cannot reach a point where you think, “I’ve got the girl OR guy and now the job is done.” You’re never done. You may learn the skills and behaviours of successful relationships, but if you are not “consistent” and “acting” everyday with a long term view in mind, your hap-hazard efforts will fall short.
If you are not doing something today to move your marriage forward, then it’s by law going backwards. So consistency is the key- You can’t look for a fixed time when you’re done. That’s true of your business, your finances, and your health; everything is in a constant state of movement including your marriage.
Action Exercises
Here are some marriage-building actions specially designed for men and women that you can take “consistently”
(For Men) A woman’s greatest desire is to feel special and desired.
- Be vulnerable and tell her that you have not been giving her the deserved significance she deserves and you’re going to try harder to change. (Sincerity is the key. You may get a surprising response)
- Ask her what you can do to make her feel important and special.
- Give her a telephone call from work to let her know you’re thinking of her.
- Make her feel attractive and complete as a wife.
- Compliment her regularly on her inner and outer beauty. As well as her strengths and abilities as a wife.
Remember: It’s the little things that score the big points with her. Flowers and chocolates are worth more than overtime at the office to pay for the big holiday.
(For Women) A man loves it when you show appreciation.
- Be vulnerable and tell him that you have not been giving him the deserved significance he deserves and you’re going to try harder to change. (You may get a surprising response)
- Thank him for all the little things he does even if it’s his job. (eg: taking out the trash)
- A man’s strongest desire is to please the feminine.
- Receiving praise from her even for the little things will inspire him to do and give more. A man will want to give more when he is thanked for what he already does.
Remember: Receiving constant thanks and appreciation makes him feel successful as a man.
Dale & Livia Mercer are Speakers, Marriage Consultants and Authors of “The 10 Undeniable Marriage Needs” Find out more at their website, www.10marriageneeds.com
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