Take a Stand

My son Chance is going to UCLA. His mother is not so sure, and neither is Chance, but I have taken a stand. I quiz Chance at least once a week so that he knows he is going to college (preferably UCLA) and what needs to happen for him to get to college- good grades, good behavior, and so forth. When Chance was about four-years-old, I also gave him the opportunity to go to places like Stanford and Harvard- but when he learned he would have to leave mommy and daddy’s house he was having nothing to do with it (Chance is currently five). Chance was taking a stand that he had it good in the Jones household, and he wasn’t leaving for anything. Chance took a stand.

How many of us take a stand? We live in a fabulous country that allows us the opportunity to take a stand.

Yet many of us don’t.

A gentleman named Scott Sullivan got sentenced to 5 years in jail for accounting fraud, the same fraud that got his boss Bernie Ebbers 25 years in jail. I am talking about the WorldCom fraud that cost many people a lot of money. I myself had several thousands of dollars in WorldCom stock, and of course I have lost it all.

Scott Sullivan was called the “architect” of the scam, while Ebbers was the “instigator” of the plan to defraud people into continuing to invest in WorldCom.

Why didn’t Scott Sullivan take a stand? He didn’t want to lose his job. So instead he lost his freedom for five years and all of his wealth. And some people thought this was not enough.

So, when do you take a stand? What character, values and goals do you have? Are you going to do whatever the boss says, or are you going to decide for yourself and take a stand? And if you are doing something wrong, are you strong enough to give up that paycheck to fill your own life with the right values, character and goals for you?

Taking a stand can be hard for the average person who is trying to provide for themselves or their family. These are obligations that don’t go away if you do the right thing. And what kind of trouble is lurking if you do the right thing?

“What a mess have I gotten myself into, I am not sure I can find another job. Or what if I quit and the right things don’t happen? What if I blow the whistle and lose my job, lose my employment factor in the market that I’m in, and I have to move to get another job in another field?”

“Do I need the trauma in my life of doing the right thing, or should I just keep my head down and do what is going to keep food on the table, and a roof over my head?”

Not an easy decision. No one wants to be in that kind of situation, because while even though you may do the right thing, it still creates problems.

So why don’t we all work for good companies that only do the right thing? Not so easy. There are other factors that come into play. How many people work for companies that they don’t want to work for because of what those companies can provide?

WorldCom had great benefits: health insurance, dental, life, 401K’s, and the works. Everyone thought that the people in charge were doing the right thing. The tens of thousands of employees had no knowledge that what was happening in the boardroom was dishonest, and at some point was going to catch up with them and cause some really bad things to happen to everyone. Why did the top of the executive boardroom think that they were not going to get caught? Why didn’t they see that their actions were going to catch up with them and make the necessary changes? They would have done something that would have saved the business and been in everyone’s interest.

Before his sentencing, Sullivan said that he apologized for his “cowardly decisions” and was “ashamed and embarrassed”. He said, “I knew that it was wrong but my intentions were not to hurt people.”

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I think my grandmother used that one, and you have probably heard it too. Not that I believe in hell, but more on that later.

Corporate scandals have rocked the country since 2000, and continue to rob people of their money and reputations; everybody is affected one way or the other.

Taking a stand can be a very brave thing. It is something that could cripple you and your family.

And yet if you don’t take a stand sometimes in life, then you will never go forward.

Take a stand to go into business yourself. Take a stand to get an education, or do something else in your life.

First you have to take a stand with yourself- who are you going to be, and what are you going to do? You need to decide this for yourself. It doesn’t matter what you have done in the past, only what you are doing in the present and what you plan to do in the future. You have to first believe in yourself and be able to forgive yourself.

You are what you are today and tomorrow. You do not have to be what you were yesterday if you don’t want to be. And if you decide you want to be a new you, then make that decision and begin.

Who is around you? What friends do you keep, what counsel do you consider?

You are not Superman and you can’t, and don’t, live life alone. You have a mastermind of your own around you whether you know it or not.

What is a mastermind? It is a term to describe who you choose to have around you (see the recent article “Who Should You Surround Yourself With?” for more on the concept of a mastermind). If you have people that are holding you back and don’t support you, why do you stay around these people? Wouldn’t it be better for you to get new friends and surround yourself with people that can help you move forward?

If you have people around you that support you and whose advice you trust, then you have relationships that will help you to move forward. You will be able to change your life through these relationships. If you are hanging with people that are moving forward in life and have the right goals, values and character, where do you think you are headed? But if you are hanging around the wrong people, what do you think is going to happen to you?

If you are working with good people that you can trust who can help you noodle your way into more success or help you out of failure, those are the people that you want around you. Not the Dream Killers (for more on the Dream Killers, see the recent articles “When Are You Going to Give Up on a Dream?” and “Who Should You Surround Yourself With?”), or the people that don’t have any goals and aspirations themselves.

Here is a letter I got from a person who heard our radio show on XTRA sports AM 570 last Sunday:

Hi guys, I caught the tail end of your radio show last Sunday.

I’m currently working as a security guard so I get to hang out in a construction site parking lot for 12 hours every Sunday from 6am to 6pm...Yippee! Ok, so I’m being a little sarcastic, but I’ll be listening Sunday.

Anyway, I really need help! My life is a mess. I’m a 33-year-old female in Simi Valley (I was born here).

My family is great, boyfriend great, all relationships are good and I’m healthy.

Financially I suck! At the moment I owe $14,000 make $9.00/hr and my job just went from 25hrs a week to 12. I can’t even afford my rent and it’s only $300/month! My cat and dog are the only ones giving me hope and keeping me sane.

I know I’ve made bad choices in the past and I’m paying for them now. I’ve been a drummer for 20 yrs and wasted a lot of time with the rock star dream, so I moved on to my other passion DOGS! I’ve worked as a narcotics/bomb dog handler, veterinary technician, groomer etc...Then I got addicted to sled dog racing, moved to Alaska 3 times, trained Iditarod dogs and worked on a glacier giving dogsled rides to tourists.

Finally, I realized if I ever wanted to have my own little dog team I would have to get out of debt and make decent money. Came back to Simi Valley, almost completed pre-veterinary studies with good grades at Pierce College in hopes of getting into Vet school. I ran out of money again and started getting in deeper debt. I became fearful of owing $100,000 in 4 years when I graduated, so I quit school.

My goals in life are to race a 6-dog team around the country, travel and invest in some real estate. I also have hopes of ending pet overpopulation and will contribute to that when I have stability.

I’m moving to Wrightwood, CA in a month in order to pursue this dream and plan to make money working full time and running a small sled dog tour business. This may be another bad idea...but I have nothing to lose.

I feel like a total loser, but never give up. I know for a fact (at least for me) that money DOES buy happiness because it creates freedom from worry and stress, time with your loved ones, a car that is safe to drive, shelter and a healthy body (health insurance, nutritious food etc...)

How do I make the jump from poverty to middle class to upper class? I know if I get to the next “class” it will be a whole new world for me. I know it’s a game, but I’m the fly hitting the glass trying to figure it out.

Any advice at all will be appreciated. I’m willing to work hard and persist!

Thanks again guys!

Dear Donna and pets: Here it is - take a stand. Ok, you have started and you are going to move and start life over. I don’t think it was a mistake to try to be a rock star- you never know, it could have happened for you. And if you hadn’t tried and failed you would have lingering doubts about what would have happened if you didn’t try. Good job! Living life the way you want to and having dreams is great, but understand that we all have failure. How you deal with that failure and move on in life makes a big difference in how much you are going to achieve. You tell me that you feel like a loser- well, cut that out. As long as you keep your self-image as that of loser you will stay a loser, guaranteed.

Another great thing is that you have discovered that you have a passion for dogs, and that is going to take you to new opportunities. You go, girl!

Now, stop feeling like a loser. What is going on with your self-talk is driving you deeper into that hole that you dug. You are a great person, but if you keep talking to yourself this way you are digging a hole for yourself for your self-image and your mental model of the world.

Everybody has failure. Learn from it and move on. Who cares if you have failed at something? Usually the only person that cares about failure is the person that failed. You are never defeated.

You think that money creates freedom. Well, yes and no. Donald Trump has money problems, it is just different. Money does create a lot of things, and if you don’t have money then you wish you had it. But wishing you had money just means that you are wishing for the money and not seeing yourself doing something that is going to make the money. Janis Joplin had a great song where one of the lyrics was “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.” So you have nothing to lose and everything to gain at this time of your life.

A friend of mine pulled out a study of 1500 people and their motivations for their choice of career. 83% of the people who graduated from college had based their choice of career on making money, and not what they were passionate about.

The people that had a love for something, the other 17%, actually as a percentage did financially much better than the people whose only goal was money.

Twenty years later they did a follow up study of who became financially successful. 101 of the 1500 became millionaires, and out of the 101 only one was from the group that based their career choice on making money. The others all came from the passion group.

Now, why do you think that happened? People who are in love with what they do, do it great, while people just trying to find some money aren’t creating anything. They don’t have the passion that it takes to create something. And this passion is what will eventually bring you the financial success that you want.

Now Donna, I am going to tell you something that you don’t want to hear. You made a possible mistake by not reaching for your dreams to become a Vet. So what if you spend a $100,000 for an education? An education is something that no one will be able to take away, and since you love dogs maybe becoming a Vet is a good decision and spending the $100,000 is the best thing you can do for yourself.

The availability of low-cost student loans, coupled with your love for dogs - you might want to reconsider. What do you have to lose? People have to take risks to have gain: no risk, no gain.

That’s why we talk about how having a positive attitude allows you to take risk in your life. Other people won’t try something they want because they are afraid, and as a result they never have the dream that they want, only regrets of “Why didn’t I do this in my life?”

Is that what you want, regrets? You need to get busy and do the things that you want. If you really want to become a Vet then don’t stop yourself. Believe me, plenty of people will be there to help you stop yourself, “Oh Donna you’re too old to go back to school,” “Oh Donna, why don’t you forget these silly dreams, get married and settle down,” “Oh Donna, just get a job that pays enough for you to get by and be like the rest of us.” Any of those sound familiar to you?

Money does not buy happiness by creating freedom from worry and stress, because money doesn’t free you from these things. If you want to make a lot of money, then go to Vet School, invest in yourself and live your dreams. Or whatever you do, be passionate about it. Living your dreams is what will create happiness, and reduce stress.

Learn to buy real estate and make money that way, but do what you love and the money will come if you want it to. If you are just investing in real estate because you think that will give you financial wealth, then great- but learn about what you are doing, and know that your time might be more valuably spent doing something else.

Donna, you are hitting the glass by not taking charge of your life and doing the things that will get you out of where you are, because you are afraid. Lose that fear, and stop being afraid of life- we know that you can do it if you want to.

Donna, you don’t have a plan to make money, and what little plan you do have for your life is at best something just floating around in your mind. It is not something that you have taken a pencil and paper to so that you have a clear plan. You don’t have a clear plan, and you need to just sort out in your mind what it is that you really want to do with your life, since you don’t know.

You need to take a stand on what you really want in life. Take an inventory of what you like and want to do. Be brave and think that you can do anything that you want to do. Run with those thoughts and possibilities through your mind and what do you get?

Stop living in fear and be a little fearless about what you want in life. Not many people are going to miss you when you die. I know this is harsh but it is a reality. So why not try living life to the fullest now? You are going to die, and what will you be able to say you did in the years God gave you?