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My father became ill 6 or 7 years before he died of Alzheimer’s and cancer. I first noticed the changes in him when I went home for the holidays one year. He didn’t recognize my sister Sam. We thought at the time he had enjoyed a little too much “Christmas Cheer,” but that was not to be the case. Christmas of 1999 I went to Sam’s to meet up with the family. My grandmother of 96 years old was there and sharp as a tack, along with my mother, my nieces and nephews, friends of the family and my wife and I.
My father was a strong man; he got up to work many days at 4 in the morning to go down to the chicken hatchery to make sure everything was OK. On hatch days, Wednesdays and Sundays, he would be there until the last chicken was put on a train or truck. He could carry two sacks of salt on his shoulders that weighed a hundred pounds apiece.
The chicken hatchery was a hard business, and while we never went without meal, there were some times that were very tough, but you wouldn’t know it from my father. He was a quiet, strong man who did his best for his wife and children. I learned a lot from my father.
I got my core values from my father and mother. They were married in 1949 after my father came home from World War II. They bought a house in LaPorte, Indiana right before I came along in 1951. They stayed for over 40 years, until finally keeping up the house became a chore too big for the both of them.
My father had a lot of ups and downs, but he always remained steady. He always did the right thing. While nether of my parents had a college degree, they were determined that the children got a college education, and we all have at least bachelor degrees. My little sister came home from school when she was nine and announced that she learned today that not all children had to go to college. She was told that we did.
We never went to Disneyland, or had an expensive vacation. We would load up into the station wagon and go fishing in a cabin in Wisconsin, or Minnesota. The facilities would not be great (outside toilets!) with everyone sleeping close together.
We would go out on the lake and fish. My dad taught me to fish and became my guide in life. We talked about important things to us at the time, whether that would be how the Cubbies were doing, or how I was doing or not doing in school. I learned to do hard work, to do the right thing, or there would consequences.
My father was kind, and we had spirited discussions and loved each other.
From my father I learned the past is the past, and when it is time, to put the past behind you and see what you can do today.
I learned how to use character, values, and goals to be better, not necessarily richer.
My father didn’t want to be rich. He wanted to be happy, to have a happy family, and to have the kids get an education. Dad never wanted to move from LaPorte, Indiana, and he didn’t want to leave the only house that he ever bought.
As my father got sicker, he stopped being the person that we all knew. On that Christmas Eve of 1999 he really didn’t know who I was. He didn’t remember all of the things that we had lived and loved through.
I told him that I loved him that night on Christmas Eve, and he wasn’t sure who I was. That was the last time I saw him, He died in February 23rd in the hospital, just two months before my son was born.
My mother didn’t want me to come home until she wanted me. She called me the day he died, and I was in LaPorte the next day.
I know that many of you are going through similar situations - losing a loved one, or someone who is important to you. And it is good to cry, and grieve. My father would want me to put the past behind me; focus on character, values and goals for the future, because the past is over and cannot be changed, except to go forward and create new.
It is with this example that I explain the Fourth dynamic in the Life Motivations philosophy of success. We need to put the past behind us - the failures and sadness that we have in our lives - and focus on character, values and goals for our future. While I know that this sounds hard, if we don’t put the sad things behind us in life, we become a victim of life, instead of having life be what we want. And unless we focus on developing ourselves through character, values and goals we do ourselves a disfavor.
With character, values and goals, we have some suggestions for success. We have identified 15 characteristics, the value of doing the right thing, and a goal setting procedure that will guide your mind to accomplish the goals that are important to you.
As I write this my 4 year old son is sitting next to me and drawing a picture of daddy and son. He has just told me that I am his best friend, and has finished the drawing and has just given me a kiss.
As my son grows up I will be responsible for giving him the most important things in his life: love and a philosophy that he can grow with and be successful in his life.
I once read a book where the author said he wrote his book at night and on the weekends, like myself, but locked himself in a room so that he would not be disturbed by the kids. He heard them outside, but stayed to his writing. I think that is too bad. As I grow up with my child, I hope he is always close enough to me that he can talk and bug me to the end. Sometimes I think we sacrifice the most important things to be “successful.” But if you sacrifice the most important things, like time with your family, and others, you come away with regrets, and these regrets are also bad things that happen to you in your life.
I remember someone telling me that no one lies in their deathbed wishing that they had worked another hour.
Bad things that happen to you and regrets that you may have need to be put away, so you can concentrate on the new: Building new character, values and goals from knowing what you don’t want, and identifying what you do want.
Believe in yourself, and go forward. The people around you and the relationships that you build need you.
My father believed in himself, and in me. I am going to pass this on to my son, and give him strength, love and the values that my father gave me.
I am going to give my son direction when he wants it and attention when he needs it.
You have a choice.
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