There is a universal law that states that everything is either being created or destroyed. Therefore if you are not doing something to move your important relationships forward, then you are by law moving backwards and dying a slow death.

In the US, Australia and the UK there has been extensive research on what effects a successful marriage has on the entrepreneur, business owner and career person and this is what they discovered. Those with a successful marriage earned more money, had better health, lived longer and had less stress. If you’re a person who has taken a success-oriented approach to your life, you will appreciate the constant balancing act of career, family and marriage. When one area is flourishing, the other seems to be deteriorating. You may strive to get the promotion, win the proposal or get that raise you have been seeking and then have nobody to share it with because marriage and family life has been neglected.

If you have been a subscriber of Life Motivations’ newsletter for some time, you’ll be familiar with Step’s Success Philosophy (The Four Dynamics) that identifies the behaviors that create success or failure. One part of the dynamic is “The Choice /Change Dynamic” that allows you to take full accountability for where you are right now, good or bad, as well as your choices that will lead you to your life’s destination. I agree with Step 110% that you have the power to choose every second of your life. After all, we can only live one second at a time. Therefore, it’s how you balance those seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and even years that will determine your success in life and your marriage.

People often ask me, “What is the number one factor for the breakdown of marriages?” The answer is very simple, “They just don’t spend enough time together!” It’s not that complicated. There is simply no substitute for time, and the closeness and intimacy it brings. Unfortunately for many couples everything else comes first (their job, their career, their friends, social events, volunteer work, working long hours to acquire wealth, the children, everything!) therefore they have their values and priorities way out of balance.

REMEMBER: “Whatever you value most in life, will present itself in the amount of time you spend doing it.”

Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with any of those things I just mentioned. I too love the challenge of being an entrepreneur and stretching myself to do new things as they make life very fulfilling and rewarding. However, the texture of your life stems from the quality of relationships you will enjoy in your lifetime. Therefore if you decide that your career or making money is more important than your marriage, then you 'will' achieve your goals in this area, but you will become a lonely rich individual with all the money in the world but no one special to share it with. It is much more exciting and fulfilling to be rich in all areas of life and have someone special to share it with.

So what is the key to finding a balance in your work and marriage? Make your relationship a priority and get help in this area if you need it. Begin with Step’s Choice/Change philosophy. You have the power to choose where you spend your time and you have the power to change it in a heartbeat. Every change is a cause set in motion. If you make your relationship a high priority, you will find the success in this area spills over into other areas like your career and how you relate to your children.

Livia and I have a weekly date night where one of us organizes something special and the other goes along for the ride. It can range from something as simple as a picnic by the beach, to an extravagant dinner and overnight hotel stay. It doesn’t really matter what the activity is, the key is to do it together and skillfully negotiate on activities that you both enjoy. Alternatively, do something she likes and then next week something he likes.

Therefore, decide to make your marriage a high priority in your life and you will automatically create more time and balance as a result. It was peak performance coach Anthony Robbins who said, “It’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” So, make the decision today to be as successful in the home as you are in your career.

Action Exercises

• We all have 24 hrs in a day. You must set your timetable to make your marriage a priority. “When you change your priorities, you change the destiny of your marriage”.
• You cannot manage time, but you can manage your activities. Manage the activities that will bring you closer. Practice what you were doing during the courtship period.
• We recommend couples spend at least 15 hrs per week together. Make it fun!
• Be sure not to turn your times together into a monotonous to-do list; something that you have to do.

Dale & Livia Mercer are Speakers, Marriage Consultants and Authors of “The 10 Undeniable Marriage Needs.” Visit their website at www.10marriageneeds.com

Thank you Dale and Livia for that wonderful piece. Life Motivations is affirming that we should hold one of our retreats in Australia. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your article.

Now Marina and I did not go to Australia this weekend, but Seattle to hear Lou Tice speak in a three-day event. And the best thing that I did is get Marina to go with me, and take the course.

We spent three days without our 5 year old son, and we were together learning how to be better at life.

I have bought several copies of Lou’s books and have given them away. I have also bought his family video series, so I knew what the material was going to be. Mr. Charles Oglesby introduced me to Lou Tice’s teaching in 2000, and it has been very beneficial to my team, and me, but the best was going to Lou’s live event with my bride. It was a great bonding experience for the both of us.

The Choice/Change Dynamic

Lou speaks a lot about what I call the Choice/Change dynamic, and I would like to expand on this concept today. You have two types of changes in your life: the change that is external, in that it happens to you, and the choice that is internal in that you make it happen to yourself. And with the choices that you have, you can either make choices yourself, or you can let other people make choices for you.

So there are four possibilities here: (1)You can have external choice, and external change, which means that other people are determining what is going to happen in your life.(2) You can have internal choice, and internal change, which means you decide what is going to be in your life.Or (3) you can have external choice, and internal change; or (4) internal choice, and external change.

Let’s see how this works with some examples. With external choice, someone chooses for you to go to school, and you don’t want to, so your internal change is pushing against what someone else wants for you. The result is no forward movement in your life; as a matter of fact you might go backwards and flunk out of school, because you don’t want to go. You get the point.

With internal choice, you choose to go to school, and have external change since you don’t have the money because something has occurred. You can’t get a scholarship that you thought you were going to get. The school that you want has changed something so it is now not what you want.

At work you are all fired up about a new job (external choice) and when you get there the job isn’t what you thought, and the supervisor that you thought you were working for wasn’t working with you; instead it was someone else who you found challenging. This has happened to me! (external change).

How about one of my favorites, a New Year’s resolution? Do you choose to change, and integrate this change into yourself and your internal choice?

No, what we say to ourselves is, “I have to change this, I need to change this, this has to change in my life,” and what happens? You break your New Year’s resolution before the end of the day, and say to yourself, “Well, I can start tomorrow,” and what happens? You think about it, but don’t change it, you forget about it, maybe feel a little guilty and then tell yourself “Is this what I really want?” or “I’ll change it later”.

Taking Control of the Choices and Changes in Your Life

For you to have true meaningful change you must have internal choice and internal change. Philosophers call it free will, and I believe you have all the will that you want, and you are free to use it anytime.

If this is your choice and your change and though you don’t have to and don’t need to, you still really desire this change and it is your choice, can you see yourself being this way now into the future?

The reason New Year’s resolutions don’t result in change and your behaviors don’t change, is that you don’t see yourself as the way that you want to be, but as you are now. And if you don’t act on this for some period of time you lapse into your old self.

So I want to make more money, what do you think? Would you like that? So you say to yourself, “Self, I want to make more money.” And inside you don’t change anything about yourself. Is this choice going to happen?

Or you say to yourself, “Self I am going to make more money and I am going to change the way I feel about what I have to do to make more money inside. I am willing to take a risk and see myself as making more money.”

Lou uses affirmations, and so do I. In 1993 when I took Success Philosophy out for a spin I didn’t know Lou, but I knew that I had to change, and if it wasn’t my choice, and I couldn’t see myself as acquiring wealth, it wouldn’t happen.

I had to see myself in the future and feel comfortable with money and success.

OK, I don’t know if this is true, because my friend Harold Young at the Maple Center says that 49.8% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

But I have heard that of people who win the lottery, or come into big money, 60% lose everything and many have to file bankruptcy within three years of their receiving the money.

The reason for this, whether it is 60% or more or less, is because they don’t have wealth consciousness, they have poor consciousness. Their internal choice is to be poor; their internal change is to stay poor. Because this is who they are in their mind.

They are what they choose, and the change will be what they choose. Poor or rich, good or bad, right or wrong, up and down, it is how they see themselves and then how they act.

How are you thinking and acting? What are you choosing, or changing? Can you see yourself be that, or do you see yourself being something else?

Thanks to Dale and Livia helping us see something else for our relationships...

Listen to Step Jones guesting and taking questions and offering advice on success, wealth consciousness, and creating a better life from this week’s edition of the widely syndicated radio show, “Making Money with Doug Fabian.” You can listen to the archived show in Real Audio or Windows Media.

Windows Media Player

Real Audio

The Customer Satisfaction series will return in a few weeks.

OK, let’s practice what Dale and Livia have given us as exercises.

And let’s add one more thing: visualize just one thing you want in the future. See it and add emotion to it as if you have this one thing right now in the present.

And return to this visualization twice a day for three weeks, then share with me what has been happening.

PS: Check out the recent Weekly Challenges as an introduction or to find a new success technique.